Regression

My kid has been completely potty trained for over 6months and NOW he starts having accidents and

 intentionally peeing in his undies!! Suggestions??

Well, I just recently dealt with this in my own house.

I later found out that my 3 year old had a bladder infection, so after some AZO and Cranberry Juice we

 cleared up the bladder infection and moved on. 

Here's how I did it!

I basically re-trained my daughter, and you can too! (for your son)

1. Validate your child. Tell him and show him you know he can do it!
2. Be consistent. Make sure that you continue the "potty training methods" you used before.
3. Positive Reinforcement. Stickers, Jelly Beans, etc. - For staying dry
4. Stop Negative Attention. This was hard, because you are frustrated - but it is important to only give positive attention. If they wet, just clean it up and move on.
5. Remind Often.Don't ask them if they need to go, remind them to go. They will say no if you ask! :)
6. Hold them Accountable. If they mess their pants, they need to clean it up. Not as a punishment, but to help. It reminds them how much work it is to be messy. 
7. Be consistent.  This truly is the most important thing, that is why its on here twice!
8. Keep it Short. Don't lecture about the accidents. The kids are little and lose attention quickly. Just remind them how awesome it is to be a big kid and to be potty trained and leave it at that. Lecture to a 3 year old = in trouble. Keep up the Praise on the staying dry!
9. Do not turn this into a disciplinary matter, because it's not one. It is just part of being a toddler.

Please remember to not freak out and I beg of you...do not put them back in diapers!!!

Remember this is a process, sometimes we need to reboot and start again.

Experts identify the following reasons for regression:

1. stress (new sibling, divorce, move, new school, any change in schedule)
2. medical reasons
3. natural regression that occurs with the mastery of a any new skill
4. ignoring the body’s message

Emily Geizir from Parenting Solutions wrote this perfectly:

"Keep in mind that recently trained children need reminders to go to the bathroom. This is how you can help your child to feel successful. Help her get to the bathroom on time.

Do not take “no” for an answer if you feel it has been too long between bathroom breaks. Honor what the child is focused on at the time, while also imparting the importance of listening to one’s own body (an important life message). For example (please extrapolate to your own circumstance), “I see that you are very focused on your activity, but it is time to take a break to sit on the toilet and then you can return to your activity.”  This is not a question.  This does not need an apology. This is a directive. Directives can be said in loving and assertive ways.

Your child will be inspired by your renewed faith in her abilities.  Maximize this momentum!"

I couldn't agree more!

Good Luck, and if you need more help, please email me! Or leave a comment and we all can talk it out together!

Night Time Potty Training - PART 1

I have had several emails and comments about night time toilet training.

So, lets address it!

image from Googleimages

Kids are potty trained during the day waaaaaaay before they are potty trained at night.

It is a lot easier for kids (and parents) to identify their body signals when they are awake. Usually because they are in the middle of something when they get the urge to do the dance or "hold it."

Toddlers sleep very soundly and usually wet the bed for months after they have been day trained because their brain and their (potty) muscle aren't in sync yet.  Statistics show that 60% of toddlers are both day and night trained by the time they are 3 - BUT - even by age 6, 15% are STILL having wet accidents.

What is the question? How do I night time train?

I do it a couple of different ways. When I am teaching classes to parents I tell them to wait till they are day trained before tackling the night training because we want to emphasise the success of the day training.

The biggest issue with night training is that they don't know they are wetting or eliminating as they are doing it, it is only after (sometimes) when they are still wet that we all realize it has happened.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

ONE

Do you have a mattress pad?

Do you have thick training pants?

If not, do that first. Pee stinks!

Also, doing this lets your child know you are serious about night time training.

TWO

Do not let your potty trainee drink a lot of liquids after dinner. If this is a habit, break it right away.

Once they are night time trained, you can slowly ease back into it.

I have a lot of parents who rely on a night time milk or sippy to get their child to bed, that is setting them up to fail. "here, fill your bladder, then go to bed!" uh, no!

THREE

I do several bathroom trips before bed.

One after dinner, one after teeth brushing, one last one after books and then they will go to bed.

That is three tries before they hit the sack!

Now, if this doesn't work I would go ahead and wake them up before YOU (the trainer) go to bed.

It stinks at first, but until they can "hold it" it is just a part of their routine.

I would only wake them up if:

1) they haven't eliminated at ALL in step three

2) they did go in step three, but still manage to wet at night

3) had a "good night drink"

FOUR

Most kids after going thorugh this rigamaroll for a few weeks will go through the night fully trained.

If not, do not make them feel guilty or punished if they wake up wet.

I would enlist them in helping with the clean up.

If you think they are too little to do that, then take a breather from night time training for a few weeks and try again.

Please remember that putting your child in underwear at night won't speed up the process.

They are ready when they are ready. :)

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips/Potty Training

Poop.

sorry I couldn't resist!

Lets talk about poop shall we?

I have talked about it here, more in depth HERE but let's talk about other issues with the big B-M.

I have a BUNCH of new followers! 239 is AWESOME!  Since then I have received several emails about doing the dirty business.

If your child is great at #1 on the toilet but still having issues with #2 here are a few suggestions:

Talk to your kid about the situation, address your concerns or the problem you have. 

Is the problem beyond their control? Constipated, Diarrhea? or is it "That they don't want to?"

Talk to your little cutie:

"Jenny you do such a great job going pee in the toilet, I bet you can do just as well going poop."

"Tommy, I am so proud of you for going all day in the potty but you know poop goes in the toilet too!"

"Sam, where does pee go? Where does poop go?" 

"Sarah, we are all done with diapers which means you need to use the toilet for pees and poos"

If you talk to them like big kids, they might surprise you and actually understand you better. As long as you aren't yelling or frustrated when these talks are going on, you should have success.

Come up with a poop plan.  Do a potty chart just for poop.  

Another thing that has worked for me with kids I have trained in the past is explaining what poop is. Explaining that it is the stuff our bodies don't need anymore, so we have to poop it out to make room for the new waste.

This is one of the harder things with potty training, because when they have been in a diaper 20+ months pooping isn't even thought about. It just naturally comes out and it's done. We are asking kids to think about it, recognize the signs and then take the appropriate action.  It becomes very hard to rewire that part of the thought process for some.

As always your input is welcome, friendly responses or stories please. 

I am here ready to answer any more questions you may have, and thanks again for the support!

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips/Potty Training

One more post in this series. I know you are all so thrilled. :)

I have had over 10,000 hit on my potty training tips!  That is an all time record! :)  I love to potty train, and help others do it.  

I know there are stories out there on "how I tricked my son to potty train" or "bribing my kid to potty in 2 days" but lets face it, those stories could only work if the kid was older than 3 and if they had been introduced to toilet training before.  Those stories couldn't have worked with a barely 2 year old who has never sat on the toilet in their life. They also don't guarantee longevity in keeping them trained because  -  they weren't trained to go.  Okay off soap box.

I have had about 15 emails and comments on how to deal with potty training regression. So I am going to address that right now.

Regression in Potty Training:

Remember that Potty Training for some kids takes time. You should never rush this process.

Every kid is so different that one technique might not work for another, as I have found in my 3 older kids.  The ultimate goal of potty training is independence. You want them to go when you remind them, and completely on their own.

Once they are potty trained...some kids regress. Why does this happen?

Stress of moving, new baby, new job, really there is a myriad of things that can trigger regression. Its not that the child "forgets" its that the child can now control the one thing that had your full attention.  

I had an email from a mother who had a kindergartner and so she went back to work and the kindergartner regressed.  My advice to her was that the Kindergartner needed more attention. So instead of punishing her or having a negative reaction to the wetting the child would get rewarded for staying dry at school, then another one for staying dry at day care etc.  We also adjusted her home time schedule to include EXTRA mommy time.  

Sometimes kids subconsciously use accidents as their trigger to get what they want, I am not going to lie though in my experiences when potty training other peoples kids - they do it deliberately also.

If you suspect this is happening in your home - ignore it and make them take care of it themselves.   "Fine, you need to take care of it. Put your wet clothes in the hamper and get clean ones."  This will show them that they aren't gaining anything by having an accident.  If they are doing it deliberately - still give them extra attention WITHOUT mentioning accidents. Its hard, but it works.

Also - lay out their responsibility as a potty trained member in the house. My kids in my house get a little extra responsibility or chore because they are potty trained.  Like they have reached this right of passage...and get to be semi-grownup now. If they choose to neglect their responsibility there are consequences.  

One of my daughters kept getting distracted and not getting to the potty in time and would "pittle" you know "pee a little" in her undies.  I told her that she couldn't go to the store with me that day because I was worried she wouldn't make it to the bathroom at the store.  She then said she would and proved it to me and has done so ever since.

The key to stopping the regression in a child that was already fully toilet trained is to avoid negative reactions, learn why this has started, discuss responsibility and consequences, decide whether they were ready in the first place...do they need to go back to diapers?, is it something else like a UTI or something else that they can't control?, and to keep your cool.

Punishing is not recommended for potty training. This is supposed to be a "positive" experience. If at anytime the child feels discouraged it will be 10x harder to get results.

If I can help more please let me know!  Leave a comment or email me! :)

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips/Potty Training

#5 Be consistent.

If after a week of constant accidents. Take a break and try again later.

There is no perfect time to be potty trained.  If it isn't working or you feel defeated. Stop.
Try again in a few weeks.

Maybe the break will give them the time to let it soak in. You might be surprised that after the "break" they will be the ones who start initiating potty talk and potty time.

If there are any more questions please feel free to email me or leave a comment! :)

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips/Potty Training

Before I wrap up this series of Potty Training Tips - today I am leaving it up to questions and answers.

Leave a comment with the question and I will post the answer on this post.

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips/Potty Training

We are back from our 17 day road trip to California. Whew!

Potty Training Continued.

1- Make sure your child is ready.

Make sure you are following the right cues. Push it and you will have to start all over.  If they are showing interest - then go ahead and start

2 - Have the right equipment for YOU and your KID.

Potty Seat vs Potty Chair and Underwear.

3. Decide what is going to work for your Child. 

Sticker Charts, Treats, Rewards, Praise, etc.

4. Poop Training.

Most children are quick to urine train. Its easy fast and not that messy. (depending on the kid) Poop is a lot harder for toddlers. For some kids Bowel Movements feel like they are losing a part of them selves. They are afraid to watch it flush and it is scary for them. For others they are just lazy and would rather do it in their diaper. Another thing is that they don't know when they need to do it until they are squeezing it out.

If you have a child who goes to a certain place to poop or has a certain time they do it - you are one step ahead.  If you notice they are running to their "spot" pick them up in the squatting position and sit them on the potty while the diaper is on. Have them go through the motions of pooping on the toilet WHILE the diaper is on. So they mentally move their "spot" to the bathroom. Then slowly coax them to take it off - over time of course.

My kids have gotten double the candy reward for BMs. This was an incentive that worked for them.

Another thing that has worked for me in the past (with older children) is show them the digestive tract. Explain that the food they eat goes down, gets processed and then the "waste" - "poop" needs to come out.

For analytical children it helps them get the process.

image via google images

Remember that poo takes time. If you need to read a story to them while they take care of business too. Don't rush it.  Even adults have a hard time "getting it out."  If you suspect they might be constipated increase the fluid intake and give them more fiber. It will soften them up and help it slide right out.

Don't get frustrated. This is all part of development.  Just keep going and eventually it will happen. There are worse things in the world than a poop accident. 

Good Luck and as always I hope this helps! This as always is a post to help give you ideas or help with situations. Not a post telling you WHAT to do...because every kid is different! :) 

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips/Potty Training

Potty Training Continued.


1- Make sure your child is ready.
2 - Have the right equipment for YOU and your KID.
3 - Decide what is going to work for your Child. 


4 - Day vs Night Training and When to do it!

If you have decided to start please don't start during a major change. Moving, a new sibling, switching a major routine change, etc. Doing this causes stress and will actually set your child back in potty training. Stress can make it harder for a child to demonstrate a skill that they have yet to master.  This is why most kids revert back or regress - it makes them remember a time when they were more comfortable.


Day vs. Night
I am an all or nothing girl.  When we potty train we never go back to underwear. But - having said that kids can go ALL day without an accident waaaay before they are actually ready to get through the night.  It is actually common and natural to wet the bed until a kid is 5 years old.  It can be so frustrating I'm sure when you can have a kid last ALL day and then at night it becomes a huge problem.


If you are all ready experiencing this it could be for many reasons. Does your child sleep so soundly that they don't wake up?  Does your child have nocturnal eneuresis?


Bed wetting is involuntary. It (from my research and training) is just a slight developmental delay, not anything emotional or physical, and only a small percentage of bed wetting cases are caused by specific medical problems.  Did you know bed wetting is often associated with a family history of said condition? It is. So feel free to blame your spouses side. Haha. Just Kidding.


If you are just starting to seriously train bed wetting is something you need to think about.  Most kids slowly stop wetting as part of their natural development.  If your child wakes up wet in a diaper - do night training slowly. Get them trained through the day and then talk with them about getting rid of it at night. Try it for two weeks and if the number of dry nights decrease you know they are golden. If they increase return to the diaper and gradually make your way back to trying to go at night diaper free.  


If you child is past 3.5 you could try intervening with the bed wetting alarm. I have never used it, but have heard great things about it. That is something you talk to the pedi about. You can also talk to the pedi about food allergies. Bed wetting can be linked to food allergies. Weird but sometimes true.  I have also heard in my training that sometimes, in larger families the child wetting just needs a little extra special time.  Take them to the bathroom 30 minutes before bed and then give them 20 minutes of undivided personal attention. Then take them again right before bed. Sometimes, that extra special time can reduce any stress or discomfort and relax them enough to let it all out.


In my own personal experiences I have just monitored when I notice my kid showing me the signs.  I make sure they don't drink an hour before bedtime...at the beginning. Then I make sure they go potty right before bed and haven't had a problem.  I have had one of my children who has been potty trained for awhile wet the bed, and it was their responsibility to take the sheets off and put them in the hamper. They had to change their jammies and be responsible about it.  It wasn't deliberate and therefore they weren't "punished" but they needed to take care of it.  In our house being in underwear is a big deal - it is when you start being held accountable and need to express what you want or need with your words.  Just like using the words "I need to go potty" and then actually doing it. It is an expectation we have set and so we let them know part of potty training/being in underwear means growing up. Its time to end the crying and the fits and start getting ready for the real world/school.


If I had a child that had nightime issues I would explain to them that their muscles inside are still learning how to hold it. Its okay and if it happens we need to learn how to take care of it.  No punishment is needed its just something that some kids have to deal with.


Ultimately you need to do what is going to work for you. You need to devote sometime to actually potty train and make sure you have what is going to work for you. For me the potty seat is better because I never have to transition to "big potties" and stores and other places are not scary since they only know how to use the "big ones."  

Good Luck and as always I hope this helps! This as always is a post to help give you ideas or help with situations. Not a post telling you WHAT to do...because every kid is different! :)

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips/Potty Training

Potty Training Continued.


1- Make sure your child is ready.
Adding to what I wrote last week - make sure you are following the right cues. Push it and you will have to start all over.  If they are showing interest - then go ahead and start.

2 - Have the right equipment for YOU and your KID.

Potty Seat vs Potty Chair and Underwear.


3. Decide what is going to work for your Child. Most kids love hugs, kisses and high fives for praise and motivation. But for some they need a little more.  Potty Chart and Rewards worked for 2 of the 3 kids in my house.  My youngest just wasn't interested in charts. So I skipped them. For my oldest - we used Jelly Beans. For my second I used M&Ms and my third I used Gummi Bears. 


Print one of THESE potty charts and take your child to the store.  My kids got to pick a special Potty Reward. I bought it then and took it home. Once they filled up the chart they got the toy. If the accidents started to come again, they lost the toy and had to start again with a new chart. The consequence for not going potty is losing the potty reward.


Remember to emphasize the pottying NOT the reward.


Every child got 1 candy reward for EVERY urination and 2 candy rewards for EVERY bowel movement.
Slowly I stopped giving rewards for urine but kept up the bowel rewards until they slowly forgot about them. (the reward)

March 2009 - Kid #2

Please remember that Potty Training is a process of development, it happens at different times in children's lives. For some its at 2 and some its right after 3. There is not a specific "perfect time" to potty train. Just because YOU want your child potty trained doesn't mean THEY are ready. If you do it before they are ready the only person you are training is yourself.  Children feed off of your frustration, and trust me having accidents is frustrating and hard. Wait and your life and potty training period will be soooooo much easier!


Ultimately you need to do what is going to work for you. You need to devote sometime to actually potty train and make sure you have what is going to work for you. For me the potty seat is better because I never have to transition to "big potties" and stores and other places are not scary since they only know how to use the "big ones."  

Good Luck and as always I hope this helps! This as always is a post to help give you ideas or help with situations. Not a post telling you WHAT to do...because every kid is different! :)

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips/Potty Training

Potty Training Continued.


1- Make sure your child is ready.
Adding to what I wrote last week - make sure you are following the right cues. Push it and you will have to start all over.  If they are showing interest - then go ahead and start.


2 - Have the right equipment for YOU and your KID.
I am not a pull up person.  I don't suggest them either.  If they work for you that is great - but - I don't find them useful AT ALL. This isn't a debate or a forum for you to bash my thoughts or opinions.  In my experiences a pull up is no different that a diaper to most kids.  If a kid has an accident it is contained in the pull up. For me and the kids I have trained they need to feel it like you would if wearing underwear.

Potty Chair vs Potty Seat.

  

I don't use a potty chair, because I have had experiences where the kid will ONLY use the little chair and the transition to the "big toilets" is scary.  Plus cleaning it out grosses me out. :)  I buy a potty seat and a stool and teach them how to get up and get on all by themselves BEFORE I even get into doing their "business" in the toilet. 


I also have them practice over and over pulling down and getting up and getting on, pulling everything back up and closing the lid and flushing the toilet and washing their hands too. (Think Karate Kid and the water drip thing)


To me going through the motions is better because when the time is right - they know what to do. Having them sit on a potty in front of a TV or something else is not potty training. They need to know what to do when the urge comes - which is RUN(jk) to the bathroom pull down your pants, get on the potty and go.  *Wipe* and then pull everything up, lid down, flush and wash those hands.


Ultimately you need to do what is going to work for you. You need to devote sometime to actually potty train and make sure you have what is going to work for you. For me the potty seat is better because I never have to transition to "big potties" and stores and other places are not scary since they only know how to use the "big ones."  


Good Luck and as always I hope this helps! This as always is a post to help give you ideas or help with situations. Not a post telling you WHAT to do...because every kid is different! :)

Scheduling Toddlers/Toddler Tips

I am hesitant to post about this but my facebook friends have asked me to post about this so I will. Please remember only nice and helpful comments will be allowed.

Potty Training.  I am certified through the state of Colorado in Toilet Training. I used to teach and speak at parenting conferences about potty training and at my old job (before I became a mommy) I would go to daycares and train the teachers how to help potty train the 2.5 -3 year olds.

So here are the top 5 things you need to know BEFORE you even think about potty training.

1- Make sure your child is ready.  There is no certain age or time when a toddler should be potty trained. If you do it on your own you will not have success.  Every kid is different too.  My oldest potty trained at 2.6 years, my middle at 2.4 and my youngest at 2.2.  Their process and motivations were all different and I waited until they were ready.

How do I know if my child is ready?
----Can he stay dry for several hours?
----Does he have regular predictable bowel movements?
----Does he know when he NEEDS a diaper change?
----Does he say pee or poo or know what he is doing when he is doing it?
----Does he understand logic and reasoning...cause and effect?

I will post more next week about the next thing you need to know. If you are at this stage with your toddler now, keep talking about it, keep sitting on the potty and talking about what is happening.

Hope that helps!