Discipling Toddlers---2
The 4 year old in my home is VERY obedient. He often cries because he feels like he isn't doing enough or that he knows what he was doing/did was wrong. So for him it's not so much discipline more explaining things to him.
I lay out the rules for him and he pretty much follows directions. If he needs a time-out I usually send him to his room for a cooling off period. For him - he needs consistency. If I find that he needs something other than 5 minutes in his room I will give him a task to complete.
Here is a typical convo:
Me - L please stop yelling at your sisters
L - I wasn't yelling.
Me - Are you yelling at me now?
L - Yes.
Me - Okay, you need to go to your room for 5 minutes to cool off.
L - I don't want to go to my room.
Me - I don't want you to yell and you did. The consequence for that is time in your room.
L - Okay.
If there is a fit I usually will ask him to go to his room and clean it up and when he is done he may come out.
My kids don't have toys in their rooms so they can't go up to play they have to sit on their bed and literally cool off.
This form of discipline only works on him and my 2 year old. She seems to be a lot like him in temperment and demeanor.
When my 2 year old is "naughty" I send her to her room and she goes --- she cries the entire time but she goes. I also give them a warning. "If you keep throwing your toys you will have to go to your room"
That usually gets them to stop. Also taking the toy away works too.
In our house we also have a Toy Jail.
If a toy gets taken away for not sharing or because they weren't playing with it correctly it gets taken away to toy jail. It is in there for the rest of the day and the next day can be earned back by doing an extra chore or something we talk about together.
With the 4 year old and the 2 year old ---Warning them one time with a notification of the consequence gets them to stop USUALLY.
Next week - discipling TROUBLE, I mean the 3 year old. :)
What is something you do in your home? Lets get the chat going!
To me, warnings give permission to do it one more time and they sound like a threat. In real life, how many warnings do we usually get before we face consequences? Not many, if any. We used to be the kind and queen of warnings. Now, consequences are instantaneous. At least, we try to make it that way. For the older ones (8&9), delaying the consequences gives us time to think of something appropriate without the use of anger and it makes them fret a little. (That's awesome!) I think discipline is a per kid thing, too. Also, what works for one kid one week might not work for that same kid the next week. Natural consequences have become my best friend.
ReplyDeleteI like to give one warning to let them know - this is not okay, if you do it again this will happen.
ReplyDeleteI have tried just sending them to their room without the warning, but I felt it didn't give them enough time to change their behavior for the better.
We do what works best for us.
I forget your kids are younger and don't usually know better, yet. Mine are older and know better. With Quin, I tried warnings today and it didn't work. Well, it did briefly, but he continued doing what I told him not to do. I've noticed when I put him straight in time-out, he learns real quick not to do that ever again. But yep, differnt kids need different discipline. :)
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is almost 6, then I have a 4 year old and 18 months. My 6 year old is on the Autism Spectrum, so I have been attending parent training therapy to help with behavioral management. The thing that I have learned is strict consistency. When I say I'm going to do something or they will be "punished" for something, then I really have to follow through. We have talked about giving specific and proper directions ("J, put your shoes on now, please") and if they don't, then I give the direction again and say "or go to time out." That way it gives them the choice to follow directions or go to time out. If they don't follow directions that second time, I say, "Ok, you didn't listen so now go to time out." The time starts at 5 minutes and if they don't go, I start to add minutes to their time, "Ok, now it's 6 minutes..." if I have to get up to 10 minutes (which I've never had to do) and they haven't gone to time out, then they lose a priviledge, "Ok, now you will have to go to bed 15 minutes early." My kids are deathly afraid to go to bed early because we have special incentives for bed time "jobs" or routine so it works well and when I explain to them that they could have to go to bed early if they don't listen they shape right up. Of course this doesn't apply to my 18 month old. But the consistency has really helped me and having an exact plan in my head of what I'm going to do when they don't listen has really helped me control my temper and feel more in control of myself. Love your thoughts and ideas as well!
ReplyDeleteThanks for getting back to me. I would appreciate it if you could email me some of your meal plans and day plans as i am having trouble getting organised with my 3 little ones!
ReplyDeleteMy email address is emmashaddick@yahoo.com
I have 3 little girls age 8,4 and 1. I live in Brighton on the south coast of England and I have been enjoying your blogs since I stumbled across then just before Christmas.
I look forward to hearing from you, Emma